Sexuality and eroticism amongst the elderly are not merely “permitted” behaviours but adaptive activities that support physical health, emotional wellbeing, relationship depth and overall quality of life, according to a leading Cyprus gerontologist.
Dr Marios Kyriazis, director of the National Centre for Gerontology Cyprus in Larnaca and editor-in-chief of the international journal Frontiers in Geriatric Medicine, challenged widespread misconceptions about sexuality in later life.
“Many people have the mistaken impression that after a certain age, say 70 or 75 years, a person shouldn’t be interested in falling in love or having feelings of sexuality,” the pathologist-gerontologist told Phileleftheros.
“But studies by many scientists demonstrate that sexuality and eroticism in old age or even middle age help with healthy ageing.”
Heart repair and neurochemical benefits
At a biological level, sexual activity and erotic arousal in old age improve heart function and maintain hormonal balance, including oxytocin and endorphins, Kyriazis said. They contribute to better sleep, reduced pain sensation and improved immune function.
Psychologically, eroticism and intimacy reduce anxiety and depression through neurochemical effects involving dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin. Emotional intimacy aids memory and emotional regulation, protecting against loneliness and even dementia, he said.
“This reduces feelings of abandonment and provides the person with certainty that they are desired, which is a very important feeling for psychological resilience in old age,” Kyriazis said.
“Maintaining an erotic identity goes against what many believe, that ageing supposedly equals asexuality,” he added. “The feeling of being sexually alive helps with self-esteem, autonomy and personal dignity, especially in the context of illness, disability or institutional care.”
Sexual activity and erotic intimacy have been linked to various health benefits including improved emotional wellbeing, reduced stress, enhanced immune function and better cardiovascular health, Kyriazis writes in his book “Inside the Medical Storm”. These benefits apply to people of all ages, including the elderly.
Oxytocin, known as the “love hormone”, has been shown to help repair the heart after damage, he said. It reduces inflammation, strengthens heart muscles and repairs their metabolism. Scientists are even attempting to create an oxytocin-based drug to give heart attack patients.
“The rest of us would do well to increase our oxytocin production through the methods I mentioned, to have a good heart in every sense,” Kyriazis said.
Menopause transforms but doesn’t end sexuality
Menopause brings endocrine, neurovascular and tissue changes that can affect sexuality, but none make sexuality impossible or “abnormal”, he said.
Problems include genitourinary syndrome of menopause—common and often underdiagnosed—as well as vaginal dryness, burning, itching, pain during sex, urination issues and recurrent urinary infections. These changes stem from oestrogen deficiency affecting genitourinary tissues, not ageing itself.
However, many women report improved sexual satisfaction after menopause, Kyriazis said. Without pregnancy anxiety, sex becomes more exploratory, playful and emotionally focused.
“Menopause doesn’t terminate sexuality but transforms it,” he said. “In many ways it becomes less a biological urgent need and more a conscious choice—something some women experience as deeply liberating.”
Cypriot widows face cultural barriers
In Cyprus, elderly widowed women face greater difficulties than their male peers regarding romantic life, Kyriazis said.
They want bonds and emotional connection despite potential health problems from menopause, arthritis and other conditions. But they find elderly men aren’t interested in them—instead interested in younger women because this apparently boosts their psychology that they haven’t aged yet.
“I was speaking yesterday with some ladies between 70-75 years who go out, socialise but don’t find a partner—a partner not for… wild sex, but for intimacy, eroticism, hugs, kisses and emotional connection,” he said.
“In our Cypriot culture if we see an elderly woman with a younger man we mock them, whilst the elderly man who has a relationship with a younger woman is considered…macho.”
Kyriazis commented on a case shared by Yiannoula Antoniou, co-founder of the Cyprus Third Age Observatory, about an elderly couple in a Limassol care home who wore incontinence pads but stopped after forming a relationship, even a platonic one.
“When you feel neglected and alone, your psychology drops and you can have incontinence, whilst if you form a relationship with another person, your psychological state improves and you don’t…need the pad,” he said.
He referenced a second case Antoniou revealed about an elderly couple in love who wanted to marry, but the man’s children didn’t allow it. The man essentially committed suicide by refusing food for a long time because they prevented him from having a good relationship—a tragic opposite outcome.
‘I discovered love at 65’
Maria A., 74, told Phileleftheros that her husband, who died when she was 45, “used me in bed like a machine—a sexual object for his own satisfaction. He never thought that I had the same physical need. When I dared express it, he called me a ‘whore’ and was contemptuous towards me.”
For many years after becoming widowed, she didn’t dare meet and live with another man to experience real love. She held back when she realised men wanted her only for sex.
“On a trip at 65 I met a solitary man and we became friends as he too had been widowed for many years,” she said. “Through friendship we could express ourselves honestly about our unbearable loneliness but also our desire to experience what we’d been deprived of for so many years. We discovered love at a mature age and when he could no longer respond sexually, I didn’t abandon him. I caressed him, kissed him, hugged him and whispered ‘this is also love my darling’.”
‘The best period of my life’
Filippos D., 73, a businessman who divorced 14 years ago and is a father of two adult children, said he’s experiencing “the best period of my life”. He has had relationships with 11 women during that time and recently entered a relationship with a woman 22 years younger.
“The divorce was liberating for me. Like I started living again and in fact my business has gone from good to better since then,” he said. “I don’t face any health problems and I don’t remember ever feeling better before. At my age I know what I want from a relationship and on the other hand I feel freer from the daily obligations of work. So we live each day for as long as we’re both well and…wherever it takes us. We might be together for another month and we might be together for the next half century.”
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