At no other time in history have people had so many means and ways to communicate. At no other time has the exchange of views, ideas and emotions been so easy. Yet at no other time has loneliness been so widespread.
Nearly one in four people worldwide – more than one billion individuals according to research – feels very or quite lonely. Moreover, loneliness rates appear to be surging after the pandemic, even in countries with particular sociability historically, such as Cyprus.
Managing loneliness is not an easy matter. It’s not simply that someone wants to be alone. It’s an unpleasant feeling, as psychiatrist and psychotherapist Spiros Kalimeris noted in his interview with Phileleftheros, that can have significant negative effects on both mental and physical health.
“Loneliness has been linked to increased likelihood of depression and anxiety disorders, sleep disturbances, and even cognitive decline. We observe reduced self-esteem and increased unhealthy behaviors such as overeating, smoking and alcohol or substance abuse, while physical health is often affected simultaneously with the appearance of psychosomatic conditions,” he emphasised.
The role that technology now plays in our lives is also significant, favouring privacy. Now there are few things someone cannot do alone from home. Our convenience can become our prison.
Daily habits like talking to someone on the phone to order food or remote work seem to isolate us even more, as we lose small but important opportunities to come into contact with other people.
“Daily, seemingly insignificant interactions – with the coffee shop employee, office colleagues, neighbours – that are now limited, increase isolation. The increase in isolation inevitably leads many to feel more alone,” Spiros Kalimeris noted.
Solutions are therefore being sought. Britain has created a Ministry of Loneliness, similar to the ministry that Japan first established, where population aging and the needs of lonely elderly people are great.
Such actions can make a difference, provided they are not fragmented, he explained, saying that the state must have a human-centered design for addressing loneliness.
At the same time, however, those who feel lonely must also take the necessary steps and seek help. “They must express it. They shouldn’t be ashamed. They should discuss it. Selfishness, pride and rigidity in this essentially increase psychological and physical wear and tear little by little”.
How do we define loneliness and how does it differ from solitude or isolation? Is it considered a mental disorder?
Loneliness is usually described as a feeling, as it’s expressed verbally with the verb “feel” (I feel lonely or alone). It’s an unpleasant experience in the context of lacking people around us with whom we feel closeness. The discomfort we feel can be small or large depending on our personality and the duration of the condition.
Isolation is the condition where we don’t have people around us. It can be voluntary or involuntary. Solitude is the characteristic of certain people who desire to be alone and function alone in various circumstances of daily life.
This doesn’t mean they don’t experience loneliness in some phases of their lives, nor that they always like being solitary, but solitude is more compatible with their psyche than constantly being with others around them.
Generally, neither loneliness nor solitude are considered mental disorders, but prolonged loneliness has been recognised as a risk factor for mental disorder development and premature mortality according to certain studies.
How widespread is loneliness today? How many people suffer enough for us to reach the point of talking about a “loneliness pandemic”?
Nearly one in four people worldwide – translating to more than one billion people – feels very or quite alone, according to a 2023 Meta-Gallup survey in more than 140 countries, while the World Health Organisation reports that about 16% of people globally face loneliness. Also, 57% of young Europeans (aged 18-35) report feeling moderately or seriously lonely.
Are there specific demographics? Are more young people or older people affected, men or women, in urban or rural areas?
In answering, I should note that demographics aren’t the same everywhere – they change depending on the country or cultural context, for example. Generally, it appears that younger people aged 18-35 are more likely to report feeling lonely.
The curve seems to improve as we move toward middle age, though this isn’t a consistent finding everywhere. At higher ages above 75, loneliness appears to increase due to health deterioration and loss of close people.
Unmarried, Black and Hispanic individuals, LGBTQ+ people, as well as those with lower income and education levels appear more vulnerable.
Additionally, according to data from the Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA) among 15 and 16-year-old students, school loneliness increased during 2012-2018 in 36 of 37 countries.
Globally, nearly double the number of adolescents in 2018 (compared to 2012) had increased levels of school loneliness.
Can it be explained why, while there are so many means and ways for someone to communicate with others, so many people still withdraw into themselves, even in countries with particular sociability?
It’s indeed a good question, something that seems paradoxical and doesn’t have an easy answer. Part of the answer concerns the difference between digital and in-person communication and interaction.
This difference can be experienced somewhat uncomfortably by many people who prefer face-to-face contact. Even if that’s not the case, it’s one thing to have the ability to connect remotely when needed and another for digital communication to become the primary way people interact.
Face-to-face communication has a natural quality and the possibility of physical contact through more senses (like touch) compared to digital. Body language is also more apparent.
On the other hand, people who already have social difficulties are likely to experience them in digital connection too, or in other cases prefer it because they may feel safer.
Finally, the now well-known FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) can create addiction to technological social networks at the expense of face-to-face contact.
Ultimately, as digital communication tends to become established, this may lead many to persist with it because if they operate in the old face-to-face way, they’ll feel different or excluded. An example of this is flirting and how romantic approaches begin today.
And to add to this, how does the modern lifestyle that favors privacy – we can handle many tasks like ordering food or remote work without needing to contact other people – strengthen loneliness tendencies?
In practice, technology and the new habits that emerge through it create conditions that can lead to social isolation. When we can do everything from home – shopping, work, entertainment – opportunities for spontaneous social contacts decrease.
These daily, seemingly insignificant interactions (with coffee shop employees, office colleagues, neighbours) that are now limited increase isolation. The increase in isolation inevitably leads many to feel more alone.
How does excessive use of social media affect the quality of interpersonal relationships?
First, constant presence on social media can reduce the quality of attention we give to others. When we’re in company but simultaneously checking our phone, we lose precious moments of authentic communication.
This phenomenon, called phubbing (phone + snubbing), may be taken for granted today, but subconsciously gives the message that company is secondary and reduces intimacy.
Second, social media often promotes superficial interactions. A like or short comment can give the illusion of contact but doesn’t replace in-depth conversation.
This leads to relationships that seem broad but are shallow. Third, presenting a “perfect” image of our lives online can create anxiety and comparisons.
When we share only good moments, our friends don’t know our real challenges, so the opportunity for authentic, more genuine communication is lost.
We should note that the above doesn’t constitute an absolute rule. It doesn’t mean, for example, that substantial and in-depth dialogue is impossible online.
Similarly, it doesn’t mean only face-to-face contacts are meaningful. Also, the ability for remote contact when there’s no other choice can be positive for an interpersonal relationship due to speed and immediacy.
In the past there was only mail, communication through which could take months. Some would say that communication was much more substantial.
Negative effects on physical and mental health
You often come into contact with people suffering from loneliness. Can you tell us how loneliness affects a person’s mental and physical health? What do they tell you – what do they experience most intensely?
Loneliness can have significant negative effects on both mental and physical health. However, it’s not common for loneliness to be the initial request of someone visiting a psychiatrist. Usually the more intense symptoms are reported.
Loneliness has been linked to increased likelihood of depression and anxiety disorders, sleep disturbances, and even cognitive decline. We observe reduced self-esteem and increased unhealthy behaviors such as overeating, smoking and alcohol or substance abuse.
Physical health is often affected simultaneously with the appearance of psychosomatic conditions, increased risk of cardiovascular disease, increased inflammation and immune system issues.
What can someone experiencing loneliness do? Which specialists should they turn to for help?
Look. One issue is that many experience loneliness but simultaneously don’t take the necessary steps to reduce it. This is due to their own interpersonal difficulties and dysfunctional personality characteristics.
This is mainly observed in older people who don’t easily go to specialists due to stigma. There, the possibility of interventions is limited. But even for others, less frequently is the request “I feel lonely, what should I do?”
If such a request arises, the appropriate solution is psychotherapy, naturally. Usually loneliness is revealed secondarily through psychiatric and psychological symptoms.
What advice would you give to people who feel lonely but feel hesitant to seek help?
Express it. Don’t be ashamed. Discuss it. Selfishness, pride and rigidity in this essentially increase psychological and physical wear and tear little by little.
Can the state and government agencies provide solutions? Britain, for example, established a Ministry of Loneliness. Will such actions make a difference?
Yes, they could, provided they’re not fragmented. Systematic financial support is needed so that community interventions have duration and are embraced by more and more people.
However, the state needs to have human-centered planning, not coldly technocratic with profit criteria. In Greece, for example, we’re unfortunately far behind – not only do we lack a Ministry of Loneliness, but we lack the basics.
The crucial role of family
Do families in Cyprus and Greece, with their often very interventionist ways, contribute to increased loneliness by pushing some members toward isolation, or do they conversely constitute part of the solution?
This is a huge question. I’ll try to answer as systematically as possible. A basic problem in how the family status quo has been shaped over time is that emotional investment exclusively in family members as a way to solve many problems, including loneliness.
But whether we take this practically or emotionally, this isn’t easily feasible under modern conditions. This discrepancy creates emotional suffocation in family members.
Additionally, rejection of difference leads to isolation – a traditional element of the conservative family form. And we’re talking about any difference, whether in the form of a personality characteristic, a simple behavior, or others like sexual orientation, illness, mental health.
The interventionist nature you mention – yes, it can lead to the need for liberation from the traditional family. From there it depends on how much each person can or cannot develop new relationships.
However, we can look at it from another perspective. Is the modern lifestyle favorable or not for increasing loneliness?
When most people are forced to dedicate a very large part of their time to family and work obligations, what time and energy do they have left for anything else?
For socialisation, but also a more collective stance on things? So this also constitutes a factor contributing to loneliness.
